she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Randomize
