i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
