Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
