But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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