party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
