Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
