Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
