You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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