its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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