Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
