My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
