I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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