oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
