he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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