Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
