My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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