Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize