So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
