I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
