I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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