ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
