Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's rum buckets o'clock
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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