I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
