I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
