We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
