Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
