Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize