He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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