Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
