My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
