bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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