Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
