Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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