Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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