P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
