I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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