i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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