you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
and she was petting her beer can
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
