Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
