i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
