i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
