Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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