Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
50% drunk capacity currently
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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