Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she smelled like a LAN party
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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