I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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