just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
