I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize