the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
