Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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