I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
