Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
