grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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