Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
