The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
