IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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