id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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