I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
only you would photoshop your dick
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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