I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
