I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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