If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
