there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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