so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
