i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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