dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
