found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
