I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
