I think I won the penis lottery.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
