Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
