That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
