I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
