What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
