Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I have fence marks all over my body
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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