One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
