Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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