my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
