You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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