Im at strip club and am horny
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
