Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
