I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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