Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
