I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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