Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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