we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Be still, my beating vagina.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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