apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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