they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
