Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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