She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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