If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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