You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
