i think my tv is drunk
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
last night I used snow as a chaser
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
