so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
