Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize