she looked like the before picture.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
