well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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