im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
