Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
