I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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