Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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