i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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