It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
