so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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