I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
