No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
