I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
