this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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