Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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