my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
